...You know the one I am talking about. The one in your mind that just blocks all creative flow, its really annoying, and makes you want to pull your hair out. Yeah that one.
Let me tell you about this wall. For the past couple of months I haven't been able to write a single damn thing. BECAUSE OF THIS STUPID DAMN WALL! Its a frustrating, annoying, and obnoxious muffin! I just sit in front of my computer with WORD open and all I can think about is....nothing. I had no idea what to write. Of course I pushed past it somewhat and finished the chapter, but granted I had to tear, claw, and bash my way through it. I got it done all the same. Then I came to another wall, for the next chapter, this one was filled with stupid questions, i.e. : "Is my story cliche?" "Will people like it?" "Am I a copycat?"....I had to slap myself, dramatic yes, effective, most certainly.
The thing about walls is that we build them up, not other people, and its completely mental. (Yes I meant that in both the stupid and physiological way.) We find these unnecessary problems with our stuff whether it be with our bodily image or with our art and writing. IT'S NOT NEEDED! So if you're doing it, or you're falling into a funk...STOP IT! Just find the nearest sledge hammer to you and take a big ol' wack to that wall that is lodging its heavy ass into your head....and if you can't find a sledge hammer or you're just not into violence (though it does feel good once in a while to hit something) then give it the bird and tell it to F*CK OFF. Telling a wall to do that is sort of weird....oh well, gotta do something right?
The beauty of life...funny thing about that... life slaps, bites, pinches, pokes, and gives us a run for our money more than once in our many years.
The beauty of life...funny thing about that... life helps, builds up, creates dreams, and picks us up more than once when we fall in our many years.
When we feel unaccomplished, that is our own fault. People now expect praise and rewards when they do something, instead of just simply enjoying the fact that they accomplished something. If you're doing something you love, don't expect praise, they're just ego boosters. If you're doing something and want people to praise you, then you must not love it a lot.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying praise is bad and we should live a life void of it. That is nonsense. I'm just saying that if you truly love to do something, create something, imagine something, then it shouldn't matter what people say to you; good or bad. You do it for yourself, not for other.
I write, because I can watch my dreams come to life. Now they have a heartbeat, a pulse, and many years ahead of them. Sure I feel like I let a person down with my fictional journal now and then, they just can't see what I see or something, I feel like "I could have done better." Then I realize I'm not writing this for them, I'm writing this for me. If they fall in love or fall in hate with my story then so be it. If a child continues to dream well into adulthood after reading something of mine, then that is jut a bonus. But the main thing is, I did it for me. Not to out do someone else, or get praise.
I get pinched, poked, bitten, slapped, and a run for my money. That doesn't stop me. Life is about learning.
OK...so I think I have fulfilled my monthly quota of being deep, meaningful, and completely and irritably cliche. I think I'm good for this month?
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I think I am finished..
My father says I’m wise beyond my years; because I look at life in a different perspective? I have no idea, ha-ha. I guess having an old mind can become relevant whilst writing. As a writer, I like to look at a much bigger picture then the one I’m presented with. Its sort of like looking at a masterpiece painting painted by a world renowned artist back in the day, and looking at it and saying to myself, “I would have done this differently”, not that anyone would appreciate it if I actually did that. I think they would be offended.
Before I started to write, well really write, I use to read more then 400 books a year, big books; and then once i really started to get into it and take it seriously I started to read less and less, and when I did pick up a book I would nit-pick at it; where the author should have done what, what he/she should have added, or what they could have put more detail in. Its a trait I’m starting to get annoyed with, ha-ha. Hopefully other writers do that to my work too! I would hope there would be flaws in my writing, I would hate to be perfect.
When I write something now, its like I become that character when I write, like a part of me— or a part of them, shines through. And hopefully when my readers read my work, they see that too.
Though something has started to happen, on the more serious topics of my writing, like death or telling the world to grow F off, I will re-read what I wrote, about a month later, and be like, “how did I write this?” Its like it happened, but I don’t know how it happened. Like, I don’t remember writing it— well the better way to put it is, I don’t remember how I wrote it.
Does any of this make sense? I guess not, if it does then you know what I’m feeling… or so I like to think.